I caught myself trying to play God the other day. Well, maybe more accurately, I was wishing for God's powers and perogatives without realising it.
One of our tutors in Foundation Training, a woman with many years in ministry as a Catholic sister, often repeated the phrase 'There is only one God, and it's not me.' I always thought this was funny. Of course she didn't think she was God and of course I don't think I'm God.
But then I caught myself feeling vaguely depressed over the last few weeks since Christmas. Nothing I could pin-point. Just a vague feeling that I wasn't 'doing enough' as a minister.
'Why am I feeling this way?' I asked myself. 'I believe in the power and efficacity of listening to people and praying with people; absolutely I do. I don't need the people I listen to or pray with to tell me that I've helped; I honestly don't think I do. Besides which, many of the people I visit do tell me that they've appreciated my prayers or my listening; objectively, I believe I've done what I could. So why the feeling of depression? Why the feeling that I wasn't 'doing enough'?'
Wonderful Husband to the rescue. 'Well, you visited so-and-so in hospital and the person told you they were grateful for your visit, but you weren't able to heal that person, were you? You couldn't make everything better.'
Ding! He hit the nail on the head! I wanted to be able to wave a magic wand and make everything better for everyone.
So, now I am repeating the phrase: 'There is only one God and it's not me.' Thank you to that tutor for these wise words born out of many years of ministry.
We may not see ourselves as worshiping idols, but it's easier than we think!